Bad Poetry doth a Bad First Novel Paragraph Make

[gurdonark]

To resume the literary plot. I have for some months been inspired by how often good prose can be "altered" into even better poetry. I had some fun with this some months ago, and need to send that project to completion, as all the words work in my little notion is done, and it's just an art and decor matter.

But yesterday, I was intrigued with how my own poetry, which I'll charitably call bad, might make an excellent bad first paragraph to a bad novel. I know some folks enter into the Bulwer-Lytton contest, where folks compete to see who has the best worst bad first novel paragraph. But I have my own LJ, and need not await any contest judges' view. Here is my own personal bad first paragraph, which is a prosaicism of a bad poem posted in my memories section:

"I tearfully tried to sacrifice on the mountain. The myrhh was scented, by mechanical processes I never understand, with an additional enigmatic lilac tinge, a sweet impurity. The formerly jagged path up the mountain was fully automated now. The digital sin-stripped angel told me to go home, and that my offering was obsolete".

Now that is the best of bad first paragraphs. I believe it will be the first portion of a religious sci fi, in which benevolent aliens convert post-modern humanity to a new faith, and then everyone goes bowling.

I must begin my novel soon. I see a real future in this.

Comments

[babilary.livejournal.com]

=) I love it! And when they finish bowling they can take up knitting! But if you want it made into a movie, borrow from PK Dick & have them SEEM benevolent, but really it's all a drug-induced fantasy established by the US government to control everyone's bowling score, thus increasing the chances of world-domination.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I had thought about having the aliens take them for tennis, only the aliens really want to eat them, and name the cookbook The Service of Man, only there's already a Twilight Zone episode with that title.

[holyoutlaw.livejournal.com]

There was, in fact, a story by Damon Knight called "To Serve Man," which was made into the Twilight Zone episode. And, much later, there was a cookbook called "To Serve Man" based on the idea of the tv show and short story.

Now you know.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I didn't realize the epi had a Damon Knight origin, though it is very Damon Knightish and therefore there's a rightness there. Add sauce and serve!

Hate to disappoint you...

[holyoutlaw.livejournal.com]

But I've been an avid fan of the Bulwer-Lytton contest and your paragraph above doesn't come close. Hah!

In fact, it's pretty good. Yeah!

Re: Hate to disappoint you...

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

When I tried to be good, I was bad.
When I tried to be bad, I was mediocre.
When I tried to be mediocre, I was Regis.

wow

[coollibrarian.livejournal.com]

wow that paragraph is quite the doozy, can you share where you thought the *plot* would be going with such a beginning?

Re: wow

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I have had for some time, actually, the notion of a sci fi in which we get in touch with another civilization by radio telescope, and after hundreds of years develop the ability to communicate cultural exchange. So we know someone is out there, but we cannot fly there; they cannot fly here. We transmit religion, science, cultural notions....but we cannot ever meet.
A sort of cosmic LJ, yet faith is all over it somehow...

[gregwest98.livejournal.com]

Why is some poetry good and some bad? What makes poetry bad?

For that matter, what makes those first paragraphs bad?

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

The first paragraphs are usually both trite, over wordy and self important.

Bad poetry is a bit more elusive, but I think of it as obvious, a bit trite, and a bit pedantic. I've written enough to last a lifetime, so I should have a better definition.