Car 54, Spam Patrol

[gurdonark]

I have less law enforcement mentality about me than almost anyone I know. I am frighteningly, extremely diligent in following laws and moral rules, but I tend to solve the problems at hand, rather than seeking out new life and new civilization to punish. In a sharp departure from my normal persona, though, I offer myself up to the Federal Trade Commission, my local states' attorney general (which, for odd reasons, I count as two states, located 1400 miles apart), any of a number of non-governmental organizations, and, to that Saint Bernadette (whoever she was, I seem to remember some movie where she has a cool song). I am willing to help, if anyone ever starts Spam Patrol.

I am a huge believer in free speech, and I am willing to tolerate even unsolicited commercial e mail. I know that even honest unsolicited e mail can be a huge toll on the internet. But I'm willing to let those traffic offenders off with a warning. I am willing to put up with the hassle of truthful, silly, unwanted e mail. I know that's a controversial position, but call me a liberal.

No, I'm talking about the people who send e mail to me on a daily basis, making fraudulent promises, committing securities fraud,
trying to trick me to websites where all my secrets will be uncovered. I'm talking about bunco.

I don't think that the chance will arise, and I don't think that the day will come, but if ever the chance arises and the day comes, count me in. Give me that silver badge with the little "cyber" designation on the star. Give me software which atomizes websites, and a team of trained monkeys who can track down even well-disguised Finnish 'net signatures. Let me be Banacek with a keyboard, Perry Mason for the prosecution. Give me my squad car and let me ride!

There's folks out there offering to elongate my anatomy, earn me 5,000 a week, pretend they met me in a chatroom and offer to give me instakisses all over my unsightly body, and induce me to invest in securities so bad they have to list on stock exchanges too poor to even print up trading sheets. They have got to be stopped. Call me the Rifleman. Call me Serpico. Call me Columbo. Call me the Angel of your choice, Charley's, Buffy's, you name it. Just call me.

Let us stop the spam, before it stops my net connection altogether.
None of us is safe, while all of us are spammed.

Comments

[coollibrarian.livejournal.com]

Amen! Can I join you?

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

As far as I'm concerned, you're in. If they call us, be sure you're able to say "just the facts, ma'am".

[coollibrarian.livejournal.com]

Of course I will

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I'm still working on "Spam Patrol, e mail in progress...".

[cathla143.livejournal.com]

Hear hear!!!

Count me in!

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Maybe we have a groundswell here!

[lonestarslp.livejournal.com]

Buckling on the Sword of Anti-Spam...

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

another spam avenger!

[geisa.livejournal.com]

after a year and a half (approx.) they finally got me!!! on my "real" internet server...everyday...all of the things you mentioned above, over and over. i don't know where i went, or what i did...but they got me!!!

i was later told NOT to "block" or "junk" this stuff, because it is done on such a large scale basis, that much of it is just...fishing for a warm body...looking for someone to "block," so then they know FOR SURE that "someone" is actively at that address...and then start coming at you from all kinds of other sites, addresses, etc...in other words, they found a warm body!!!

i took that advice and simply take it straight to the trash can and delete it. and, actually, i have noticed a significant decrease in the amount of spam...for a while there it was like 4 or 5 a day...now i get hit maybe, 4 or 5 times a week, maybe a little more or less...but that's still one time too many!!!

i hear ya!!!

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

For a while, mine dropped way down. The last two weeks, it has skyrocketed. I read in the paper that this is a nationwide trend, though. Spam!

[geisa.livejournal.com]

i have had almost NO spam in the last two weeks. it's actually got me kind of puzzled.

[marstokyo.livejournal.com]

someone's been eating your SPAM when you're not around!

[geisa.livejournal.com]

he he, they can HAVE it!!!;)

speaking of SPAM that you eat, i read recently, that SPAM is really, really big in japan...i think it was. but they really took to that "stuff" when it first came out, and cook it in like, a milliom different ways, almost as if it were a staple in their diet. i thought that was weird.

[geisa.livejournal.com]

damnit!!! i knew i shouldn't have opened my BIG mouth...when i just signed on, i got SPAMMED!!!

Re:

[marstokyo.livejournal.com]

very weird!

[holyoutlaw.livejournal.com]

For a dissenting opinion:

http://www.theonion.com/onion3825/anti-spam_legislation.html

Anti-Spam Legislation Opposed By Powerful Penis-Enlargement Lobby

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

The Onion so often seems to capture the moment.

[asphalteden.livejournal.com]

I've gotten 10-12 spams a day for some damned internet casino for weeks.

I'm ready to put my fancy vest on, pick up my pitchfork , and join the glorious crusade, Gurdonark!

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Yes, we need pitchforks and lanterns for this frankenstein monster!

Spam Poetry

[reneesarah.livejournal.com]

This link goes to an article about SPAM, that includes, errrr.... a few lines of SPAM poetry:

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2002/07/22/BU.DTL