that moment I become lost

[gurdonark]

I love that flow, in a meeting, when I can forget for a moment all the things about which I hesitate and feel self-conscious. I love to be in a world of ideas and analyses, where I can live "within the construct", "become" the idea in some zen way. It's not important that my niche is an arcane one, or that I am a tool for solving a particular narrow form of problem. It doesn't matter that others have more genius, or more financial success, or more charm, or more of that simple person to person interconnection that is not native to me. What matters is that I have something I can do, and when I do it, I can step inside the problem I am solving, make it my own problem for a moment, and then watch it dissolve.
I wish I could say that work is always like this for me. It's not. But when I step into that place--as if I were stepping into our home as a child and I feel the wave of friendly air conditioning--I wonder how I ever left, and why. Maybe this is merely a way of escape, or another instance of ego disguised as enlightenment (and heaven knows enlightenment is not one of my best discussion topics). All I know is that for that single moment I am connected and belong, and I like that feeling.

Comments

[wildgarden.livejournal.com]

What do I know? But I have the notion that enlightenment is not a noun but is a verb, and the experience of being in the flow might be a type of samadhi, temporary erasure of the boundaries of ego and the sense of being seperate. I love the feeling too, which I experience, at moments, in dance especially...How lucky for you to have a job that provides the opportunity for such personal satisfactions.
"Halfway Up the Mountain" is the best I have ever read on the subject of enlightenment..

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Thanks for commenting. I like that idea of verb v. noun. I also like when my job does reach those flow moments.

[procrastinatrix.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I know that feeling. I used to get it sometimes in my old job, when someone would say 'If only the system would do ...?' and I'd say 'Well, actuallly it will if I just do this ... and this ... and this ... Voila!' I always felt it to be a bit like alchemy - turning the base metal of an 'if-only' into the gold of a 'there-y'-go-chief'.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

if only to there ya go, that sums it up nicely.

[voodoukween.livejournal.com]

carl jung speaks of the exquisitely painful ecstasy of such momemts of bein....the pain from the human desire for more and constancy....once we have had a taste

i find them now and then and they are something to live for

better than Warhol's 15 minutes

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

That's interesting. That desire for more...I'm not as well read on Jung as I should be, and wish I knew more.

Re:

[voodoukween.livejournal.com]

i have often driven by what some call spiritual discontment

it is quieter now or maybe i've just given in...

hmmm

Re:

[voodoukween.livejournal.com]

gee, my typing was awful yesterday, about one key off i'd say

well, the rest of the day was good