refraining from giving one's self away

[gurdonark]

The "find the CD" campaign in our home has yielded a copy of Cheap Trick's "Greatest Hits" album. That's one band I have never seen live, but always meant to see live. I remember once in college when an acquaintance stole my copy of Live in Budokan!, apparently as a matter of principle when I declined in one form or another to participate in a breach of the copyright laws (or maybe it was when I pronounced disapproval of his practice of buying Patti Smith's Horses, recording it, and then scratching the LP for return). Cheap Trick had a *literally* elusive quality for me then (or should I "eluded"?).

I'm not dependable about going to see my "wish list" acts anymore. Todd Rundgren was in town last Friday, playing in a rather small locale. I saw that the tickets were 50 dollars for 2 people, which my mind instantly converted into a CD of Something/Anything, a CD of A Wizard/A True Star, a copy of the CD whose name escapes me with "Can We Still Be Friends?" on it, a meal at CiCi's pizza and four used books. When I was 24, I'd never have thought this way. When I was 14, I would have *only* thought this way. At 42, I am much more 14 than 24, I suppose. For that matter, I finally saw my favorite band from back when I was 14, Sparks, in concert last August at 41. The mathematic inversion of 14 and 41 appeals to me. They were a bit older than the comedians who played "This Town Ain't Big Enough for the Both of Us" on "In Concert" that midnight many years ago, but I still had a very good time. As the character in the Sparks song sings to the departing Noah's Ark..."peace be with all of you....I wish that I were one of you".

I'd still see Bill Nelson on principle, of course, without hesitation, but through years of attending concerts and losing touch, the number of "concerts I'd drop everything for" has diminished to a small number indeed. I'm even reaching the point in life where I catalog great concerts, like REM's Reckoning Tour, Stevie Ray Vaughan opening for the Call in a rodeo barn in Little Rock, singing along to "Waterloo Sunset" at a Kinks show in the Hammersmith Odeon (while the nice couple in front of me took suggestive dancing to a new intimate depth, unfortunately rhythmically bumping into me in the process), the incredible Residents' Thirteenth Anniversary Tour (god, I love and am obsessed by "Constantinople") or even, to speak in the language of the dinosaur, the rare thrill when Grand Funk Railroad fired up "I'm Your Captain". This is a time for needless reassessment and catalogs of quirks.

Cheap Trick's "Surrender" contains that great line, of course,
"Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away". I have always taken great comfort in being someone not easily "given away", someone that not everybody "gets". I have always preferred the special connection with a few folks to general approval of many. At its best, this sentiment can have a glittering fearlessness to it. Still, I have to wonder if
it really is all that laudable to be living Roxy Music's "Avalon" album inside, when outside one seems to be living in a rather more scattered, less "art rock", much more prosaic mode. It almost doesn't matter--I've spent a lifetime carving this damn sculpture, and can't pause to wonder now if the nose should be aquiline instead of block. Besides, I rather like the shadow effect, right around the the place where one imagines the mind connects to the soul. Or is that place merely the point where fantasy and reality somehow merge?

Comments

[sushimonkey.livejournal.com]

Going to rockshows used to be my life, then somewhere along the line I decided I liked staying at home much better. Maybe it was the getting a boyfriend thing. Either way- it's all too expensive, to smokey and too late.

I tend to go to "big" shows now instead of clubs. Saw Depeche Mode, Cure, Tom Petty, U2, Smashing Pumpkins last year among others...this year seeing The Who and the Stones. I know Chicago is a great place to see shows, but I really don't care anymore. It takes someone I really love to get me out there (it's also a lot harder to get tix to things here because they sell out so fast).

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

It may just be a right of passage for all of us.
I remember seeing the Dream Syndicate and Echo and the Bunnymen and feeling so alive and with it.

Then I remember going to a 9 p.m. Church show where the *opening act* hit the stage around midnight, and all the nuance of the band's sound was lost in
double the decibels that the small hall could hold.
I know one friend of mine was cured of concerts that night. I was not quite cured, but it was that, and maybe turning 35, that changed me a bit.

Way too expensive, way too smoky and way too late...you are right!

But I do still like a nice folk concert once in a while. On the smoking, thing, I much prefer those CA "can't smoke anywhere" rules...they make concerts so much nicer...though I do kinda miss sitting in Dallas' Bronco Bowl, in hazes of clove cigarettes....those were the 80s, for me--that and watching a few lanes away as, by chance, REM and Natalie Merchant bowled (at the Bronco Bowl, of course) prior to the shows. I had assumed that only I knew it might be fun to bowl before my music.

Dallas is a great music town...everyone comes here, lots of good local music, few sellouts....but I'm about concerted out.

[nacowafer.livejournal.com]

Glittering fearlessness! How cool. That's a quality that's admirable. I often feel like I'm one person on the outside and quite another inside. But it's not like I feel as if I'm being untrue to myself. It's something different. I suppose it may just be shyness. Shy people are like that--their true selves are revealed only to a selective few, the good traits with the bad (sometimes very bad). The rest of the world only gets to see the nice, funny, smart, etc., one. But that's not the real deal! Now I shall face more packing with reckless abandon and glittering fearlessness...

Oh, I can't go to shows much anymore. Certainly there isn't even much to see in Richmond. But several years ago, and as a teen, I lived in indie rock central. Sometimes I miss it; mostly I don't. Echo & the Bunnymen was my first concert ever. I'd go see a Mountain Goats show, though, no matter how late or smokey. (And that's saying a lot.)

I went down to Villiers Terrace, to see what's happenin'

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

The first time I went to see Echo and the Bunnymen, they had an unannounced unknown special guest star named Billy Bragg, who cut quite a figure with just a guitar, old jeans, and a great song about how he didn't want a new England, he just wanted a new girl.
Both "Rescue" and "the Cutter" were incredible! The second time, though, I nearly had to walk out during the encore--"Twist n Shout", which I have heard too many times by too many bands.
But the rest of the concert was grand. You know, I was just reading interesting LJ friend akhliber write of an ambition to meet John Darnielle as a life-long goal on that nifty low tech poll everyone's taking now about what they wear and what they do and their top ten everything (which always seems a bit less intrusive and more fascinating than the poll about potential intimacies and other rather personal details). I like that mountain goats all hail west texas album so much that I immediately lent it to friend scott because it was so much right up his alley. Darnielle seems to have his finger on a lot of pulses now.

I think of myself as desperately shy, but also as incapable of being someone else. It's just too much work! A few friends tell me over the years that I'm hard to really know, but I'm not sure if that's right. I guess gregwest98 and kenmora would have some idea. I get,though, what you are saying about not being "false" when you are just not fully on display.
Although my heart is probably on my sleeve a fairer bit more than some (where, as one of your old posts observes, it does indeed "hurt" sometimes), there's just no getting around the fact that we all have facets in different settings...not false v. true, anymore than the fact that my accent goes much more "native" when I return to Arkansas is "false". It's just me..."I encompass volumes"...."and am I inconsistent?", etc. But as for you, shine on, crazy diamond, as you pack.

Re: I went down to Villiers Terrace, to see what's happenin'

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

ooops...that's scottm

well put...

[yulbrynner.livejournal.com]

I can certainly relate to the notion of being someone that not everybody "gets". Part of it is an elitist reaction that wishes to think of myself as some sort of brilliant album, lauded by the UK press, but not quite ready for the US top-40.

I can also relate to the notion of picking my shows. Too much money and too many nights spent watching bands go through the motions. Lately I have preferred to bet on indie bands, still hungry for a bigger piece of the action and not quite jaded enough to turn in a half-assed performance. My opinion of live music has grown for it. Thus, I will be skipping the Lenny Kravitz and Aerosmith shows my roommates are so excited about.

Re: well put...

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Yes, I know that "hip in the UK" feeling myself.
Actually, though, when I was in the UK, I realized that I was even less cool there than at home. I used to go see indie acts in postpunk clubs, but now the acts I find more invigorating tend to be ambient artists whose followings are so small they can't even afford to tour clubs. I do like to see "big names" sometimes...did Dylan this year....but in general, I'm afraid my time is devoted to other things. That's not good, not bad, just is....

Who was your first concert, and which concert would you be most ashamed to admit attending?

My first one was Grand Funk Railroad, with the opening band
called Bulldog, who actually did a cover of "rockin' robin'".
My most embarrassing show was watching Mark Knopfler, an artist I admire, take a 15 MINUTE guitar solo during "Sultans of Swing", soon after the line about the rhythm guitarist who doesn't make it "cry or sing". Even Oblivion Neutron Bomb was not as off putting as that. I wanted to skate away....how about yours?

Re: well put...

[yulbrynner.livejournal.com]

My first "concert" was a Debbie Gibson show that I attended with my parents. That would be embarassing if it wasn't so ridiculous - and I hadn't been so young.

Growing up, my sister befriended our local radio DJ, Matt Pinfield (of MTV infamy) and she was able to score free concert tickets - so, my first show as I high schooler was "White Zombie"... I knew it wasn't really cool and never really would be, but there was something evil and dangerous about the people there - even though I was never the big metal fan. Still, I find the WZ show a little bit embarassing.

One of the best shows I have ever been to was Tori Amos at the Norfolk Opera House. I believe that part of allure was that I took a really pretty girl there on a date - but I remember it being a very moving experience. I always tell people about that show with a tinge of embarassment - not because i am ashamed to be a Tori fan - but because I was such an unabashed fan during my oft-maligned "sensitive male" phase - freshman year... An all-boys high school did nothing to add to my knowledge of what women found attractive.

I have never understood those who appreciate virtuosity over musicianship (Vai, Malmsteen, etc). I don't know if your Knopfler experience was along that vein, but 15 minutes is a long time to pay attention to anyone - doing anything. Thats a great song - and one that doesn't deserve any sort of solo to break up its flow.

Re: well put...

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I think it's charming to have Debbie Gibson as your first concert.
White Zonbie is a bit more doubtful as a "first concert credit", although it does qualify as a band one likes at 14 and then never listens to again. I've never seen Tori Amos, but when she was first gaining notice, I heard so many nice things about her shows.
I have some of her music, but don't count myself a "true fan". I'm sure having an attractive date did enhance the experience.
It's funny how the ambience can matter so much. I went to see Edgar Winter Group with Rick Derringer years ago. The music was wonderful, and, yes, I admit I love "Frankenstein", but some lost soul insisted on doing inhalants right in my line of vision using the largest turkey basting bag known to man. It had a negative effect on me. That was an earlier time, though. I am the least chemically inclined person you might meet (not really a function of personal "virtue", just a matter of complete lack of inclination), but that night the second hand grass smell was so
strong that I came home smelling like burning rope. I'll never know if the euphoria I felt was the music or just being in an auditorium in which so many people created second hand cannabis smoke!

I remember the opening act for that show was a somewhat legendary memphis bar band, Larry Raspberry (and his High Steppers). The band was mostly notable for being the first "real" band for Greg "Fingers" Taylor, who was one of the "the" harmonica men for years.
Raspberry was perhaps a bit too aware of the Jerry Lee Lewis tradition, but he did write one of the most silly and fun "i love rock n roll" lyrics.....It went:
Rock and roll will make you rant and rave
It will send you to an early grave
But at least that's better than the other ways.

That is not at all my personal credo, but it always made sense to me.

I'd rather have 3 guitarists with heart, by the way, who can barely play their instruments, then one great guitarist and pure technique. But I still wish I could hear Bill Nelson or Carlos Santana live, when they are jamming. One thing I could envy you for is that you lived in SD right by Tijuana, and those Santana concerts each year in TJ are supposed to be amazing!

[geisa.livejournal.com]

you saw the RESIDENTS!!! on the thirteenth anniversary tour...my GOD, i would never have to see another concert again!!! nope, that's it..."I'VE" seen the RESIDENTS"!!!;)

they are my favorite "band" of all time, period, no questions asked...and i've never seen them live. they still tour though, so maybe i'll get my shot. i've had a few close opportunities, but not there YET!!!;)

i could write a diatribe about their music...but don't worry, i'll spare you!!!;) but one thing that has always amazed me about them, despite their obvious leanings towards the bizarre and off-beat sensibilities of life, music and art(to put it mildly), is their "kid appeal". that's how i was originally attracted to them and have been a faithful follower since. but, i'm beginning to think that was no fluke. when i was home for christmas in dec., my 12 year old nephew ended up in my car going to parties, etc. and i happened to have the residents-'duck stab' in the disc player, and he was just AMAZED, fascinated beyond belief, had to go everywhere in my car so he could hear the residents...already had his favorite songs!!! he went around all christmas singing "constantinople", "hello skinny" and saying "bach is dead, bach is dead" over and over!!! he really tapped into the residents...much as i had done when i was young. i bet he has a bunch of residents cd's by now, ha!!!;)

it's just funny to me how kids can pick up on things that adults are so unable to comprehend for one reason or another. as an adult, i appreciate the residents even more, because i understand the artistic "concept" that drives the residents and, therefore, it is even more stimulating to me, but it still amazes me how they are so peculiar, yet so appealing on so many levels and how kids, especially, pick up on them...like "twisted little nursery rhymes"!!!;) but much, much more!!!

i would tell you my childhood introduction to the residents, but i've typed too much already.

oh!!! i got the 'freak out' 8-track!!! THANK YOU so much!!! it's great!!! i'm putting it on my favorite shelf with all kinds of other obscure, special little musical momento's that i have saved or collected over the years. i love how it is still in it's little sleeve. that is great!!! thanks again!!!;)

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

During law school, a friend and I got obsessed with "duck stab/buster & glen". We wondered if it was backwards masked! I can still see him doing an odd dance to "Constantinople", but like the episode of "Malcolm in the Middle" where Dewey wins over the very attractive teenager by doing an odd dance.

The 13th A. show was more than I could have hoped.
We had singing Residents. We had dancing Residents. We had female residents. We had male Residents. We had four Residents at a time, but it was clear there was more--but who knew how much more--to the story. We had more sequencers than anyone could imagine. We had all the best songs! Even Diskomo was good. In short, I have lived, for I have seen the Residents.

I see them as trailblazers for how the indie life sould be lived. I do not always like their stuff,and the lyrical darkness can bug me a little (as it should), but from the earlier days in the Rolling Stone classifieds up through the CD rom adventures, this is a band who really knows what it is about. I saw them again, in Los Angeles, but the 13th A. show was the perfect show.

I'm so glad the 8 track arrived, and that it has a fitting place on the shrine....

Ve are de robots.

[asphalteden.livejournal.com]

I wanted my first concert to be Echo & the Bunnymen, but my mother wouldn't let me go to "Club Bene" in South Amboy, New Jersey. I was only 14 and I couldn't drive. Mind you this was Echo v.2, with Noel Burke, and sans Pete and Ian. Sad.

My first concert was UB40, which was intensified (as your Tori Amos experience) by a pretty girl companion. My favorite concert had to be the twenty year return tour of Kraftwerk. I can't possibly describe it here, but it was the closest I've ever been to complete and utter happiness shut-down. It was everything I hoped it would be, and I'm almost positive everybody in the room felt the same way I did.

Re: Ve are de robots.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

yulbrynner had the cool date Tori Amos experience....and it appears that you had a UB40 cool date experience. I went to my first concert with a church group, and no date.

I would love to see Kraftwerk. I remember long ago Kraftwerk opened for Pink Floyd in the 1970s. What a show that must have been!

I read on a Tangerine Dream affiliated website that they considered themselves an "anti Kraftwerk".
Stylistically, that may be true, but what a silly thing to say.

glittering fearless surrender

[voodoukween.livejournal.com]

reading your words again is like putting on the comfiest of clothes and curling up in a favorite chair

i love that line "glittering fearlessness", going to put it on my "favorites wall"

someone wise once told me that it pays to be mysterious. she was giving counsel to the person new to the art "scene", galleries in particular and as much as i knew about persona and it's place in my world, it was all reaffirmed for me keep my moist and dark, my truly complex and tender and sensitive to myself and keep some distance from the "public".

when i'm famous i am not going to my own openings

i could easily and happily be invisible as long as i have my special times with those i hold dear... those people who give some meaning to my life

someone else once told me that i'm slow to reveal myself and that is true, there was a time when i gave away too much and now i am very selective. downright picky. and not in any hurry.

as for the first concert and the one i would be ashamed to admit i was at....thinking back i was fortunate to go to many fabulous shows as a teenager and many were free on Sundays at the old Starlight Bowl or up at UCSD but i can't for the life of me recall the very first...there was Tull (about the randiest performance i ever saw) and Johnny Winter and the Chambers Brothers and Pink Floyd and Blue Oyster Cult and Clapton, the Allman Bros., Laurie Anderson is an all time high and i'm still not ashamed to say i had front row seats for Donovan.

i'd give about anything to have seen Janis, a friend saw Hendrix perform at his high school gym in Sacramento

i am not too much into going to concerts anymore...too much money for poor surroundings, inadequate sound systems and bad acoustics. i prefer small venues and even more, listening to the music myself

what a great trip down memory lane

Re: glittering fearless surrender

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I saw Donovan in the late 80s. I remember that in the small movie theater type audit a few in the crowd had that unfortunate "should out our favorite" bug. I'll never forget that charming otherplace accent as he said "I can't understand a word you're saying, but it sounds so LOVELY". I enjoyed Laurie Anderson, the te es mas macho song is so interesting, and I wish I had seen Tull in their prime. They were in FW a coupla weeks ago, but I didn't feel like going, and my spouse wisely has outgrown them.

I wish my "glittering fearlessness" was something noble or laudable, but I am afraid it is just how I have to be because I am what I am but I wish to live in a world that is not like me.
But it can be fun to be individual and still be okay!

You made the transition from one world to another. Did the politics of the first cause any scars in the second?

Re: glittering fearless surrender

[voodoukween.livejournal.com]

yes

they are less noticable now and yet i do honor them in my work and even in my workshops as people are inspired or motivated or encouraged by the tale

i honor them not through boasting or pride yet as markers on my path, this is who i am and this is how i got here. i do have a sense of completeness of being entire.

i have a favorite phrase "i no longer make enemies of any parts of myself" as my path to individuation and integration has been all about encountering and embracing the light and the dark (the dark is soooooo much more fertile...) and dancing between

today i'm a somewhat loosely bound bundle of stories

the best permission anyone ever gave me (and i was 36 by then) was "to thine own self be true"

this was carte blance to be me, outside the box and the schools and the confines and i know few "get it"

most of my family does not but i believe i have their recognition and that is what is more important

to recognize, to acknowledge another is so powerful

a friend once said "we get listened into existence" and that has been true for me, to be heard is a gift indeed

and you listen well, my friend