tonight we walked in the dark to the pond

[gurdonark]

A killdeer, the suburban plover, began its "broken wing" dance as we walked in the park. I'd read about this, but never seen it. The killdeer runs along the ground, lifting a wing as if it were broken. Killdeer nest on the ground, and the performance is intended to lure the predator away from the nest and after the adult killdeer. We played along and followed it--when we had come near it and far away from the little grove of trees, the killdeer triumphantly took wing, and flew into a tree. It was so cool!

I mailed three corrugated plastic cards with photos and slogans on them to postcardx people. I read the rule for the LJ community with a modestly strict rule for mail exchanges, and decided that I am bored with rules about trivial things. The rule seemed fair, not too strict and it made sense, and I was simply bored with the idea of policing fun, so I did not join. I joined another LJ community that sounded progressive and indepedent that was on someone on my friends' list's community list, but then I read more deeply into the posts, and the thinking seemed needlessly negative, so I promptly unjoined. Never a borrower nor a joiner be. At least until tomorrow, when I reserve the right to change my mind and join again.

When I first came to LJ, I imagined it would be the place that
I discussed law careers, as my participation in vault.com's message boards on law and law careers had resulted in a few folks over the years seeking out my advice on how to do law without having to practice law in faceless megalithic "BIGLAW" firms. I had seen honoriartist's site noted on crosses.net, checked it out and thought LJ was an ideal low-maintenance way to present an "advice journal" for kids thinking of going to law school. Looking back over the first few months, I see only a solid handful of posts on my original intended "topic". Now I use this LJ for something altogether different, and would have to start a 'law study' community to really put into place my original plan. Of course, I still post to vault.com, so perhaps the whole idea was a needless extravagance anyway. I still need to take up the offer of the guy who wanted to digitize an ebook on law careers for me, but
I'd have to first write in twelve ideas the things I've said in
hundreds of message board posts and e mails. It's always easier to be wordy than to be precise.

I'll bet I'm not the only one who started down one path in life but wound up on another, though. I ended up in law school to begin with in an instance of quirky thinking rather than pure logic. At the time, I considered it an enormously politically incorrect thing to do. Of all things, it turned out that this particular foundry of the dark satanic mill company worked out well for me. I'll have to remember to write a post on that, as I've told it to only a friend or three, and only some of those folks are on LJ. I'm not the only one who started out on the road to Damascus, though, and ended up taking the long road to Tipperary. I like to think that if I have any virtue, it is the virtue of being a fairly pure dreamer who can live very much in a very (and sometimes discouragingly) real world. I feel as though I have been given a gift for practical goal-oriented things, which is God's compensation to me for giving me relatively no talent. It's not a bad life, helping folks with their legal tangles. I sometimes wish I could be more help to others in other contexts, as folks try to achieve their inmost desires. Simple Cleverness always wants to see True Talent succeed, and all that (after all, True Talent never writes in capital letters after 9th grade or so). Yet, individual paths are so *individual*. "Work out your own salvation", the Buddha said. He didn't mean to withhold help from others; I think he meant each person must find a path. We are all dreamers who pretend we live in a reality nobody else could possibly understand (except perhaps over mint tea, a 3 in the morning, on a really great night). For that matter, maybe my "true reality" is just another dream. As this Sunday dissolves before my eyes, I'm grateful that my real world sometimes seems like a very pleasant dream.

Comments

in the mail

[nacowafer.livejournal.com]

Well, I understand and second your feelings about all these rules about mailing stuff. I'm curious as to which communitites you're reffering. I was thinking one of them may be mailboxjoy, but I could be wrong. I was just going to un-join from there because I've been too busy to really do anything, and the majority of members seem...how to put it...not into the same kind of thing I'm into. Despite the age requirements, the most active participants are a little...um...too much into glitter and other sparkly, cutesie things for my tastes. But I got an envelope with stickers the other day from the moderator, and felt obliged to respond, which I did this evening, and included a note that I've been busy and hope to participate more when I'm settled, blah, blah, blah. I think it was a lie.

But! The real reason I'm writing is to let you know that I received your box! I had to wait until yesterday to pick it up at the post office...but it's great! So generous and kind! Now I've got to even up again...but that's kind of fun. How did you know I'd enjoy a Virago modern classic?! I adore those. My favorite find has been Antonia White. And D. was totally enamoured of the View-Master. And your book...I 'm so pleased to have a copy.

But I'm down on mail exchanges, contributions, etc. But I hope I'll feel more inclined to do better stuff in the future. I recently got a testy note from someone on nervousness and was a bit ticked, but I was being slow. I've seen quite of few of those things and a lot of what goes into them is totally uninspired. You'd think someone would be willing to wait a little longer for something with a little more thought. But no. And too many disappear into the hands of evil children. They don't seem to understand that the joy is in sending, giving, participating and not in receiving, having, owning. Ugh.

Re: in the mail

[nacowafer.livejournal.com]

Lord, I can't spell...sorry for all the atrociousness.

Re: in the mail

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

The funny thing is, my spelling, grammar and *content* are so atrocious, I can't even see the issues until the problems are posted, so I always have to edit things after posting (I know that I could private post and then edit post, but I'm too lazy). It was a pleasant surprise when your comment arrived while I was mid-edit.

I'm so glad that the package arrived. I had picked up that ViewMaster some time ago for, like a dollar at a thrift store, and it was burning a hole in my extra room. I had the dilemma that your little booklet was *so much nicer* than my own. I'm not MUCH into judgment, when it comes to the "acquisitiveness" of an exchange, but I thought some "evening up" was still in order. I found that VM reels on ebay are nearly nothing, and the little Dollar General nearly free CD case works well, isn't that so? I'm so glad D. enjoys it--I wonder if VM is a "guy" thing? I apologize for inflicting my own little book on you, but I thought it might be fun to see how a little MS Publish booklet can be done. It's not really "cropped" right, but that was just laziness.

I can't imagine why I thought an Irish novel filled with emotion, gothic themes, and a bright but confused woman trapped by her social construct might appeal to you :).

I am glad the package arrived, and no, you need not even up, because you're still far ahead by my count. But if you even up, that might be fun, too! Why don't we just assume a perpetual deficit? No judgment, no money spent to speak of, no obligation, no worries, no jury, no returns, documentation to all? Besides, I have too many pathetic creative projects I'm working on, I'll have to have addressees!

Actually, it was mailboxjoy I meant, as well as, for that matter that DIY activist forum on your friends list. Mailboxjoy seemed like good intentions gone amuck, although the idea of a month to reply or we will kill you has a purpose. Still, I may change my mind on that one.

I don't think anyone is more DIY than I am, but I want to subvert the machine with its own gears (i.e., democracy and small business) and not just break its windows, so the posts on the DIY forum just didn't do it for me. I suppose I am left/liberal rather than truly anarcho, but I don't mind that.

But here I've rambled on with another long reply, for which I apologize, and just say I'm glad you liked the package, and thanks for commenting.

VM a *guy* thing?

[marstokyo.livejournal.com]

Hell no!! I've LOVED viewmasters since I was 6 or 7 years old and got my first one for Christmas! (Back then they were the original brown bakelite, with the ivory colored lever tab!--I still have mine)-- I used to marvel at the 3-dimensional effects in scenes that were clearly *staged tableaux* from Bambi, Pinnochio, etc.
Come to think of it-- they were very much like tiny theaters in that when I peered into them they seemed to be these little 3 dimensional worlds. My evolution from 2 dimensional artist to 3 dimensional artist took me a VERY long time. It's really only been in the last 10 years that I've been bold enough to approach 3-D. And even now, I feel I have to translate the 3-D back into the 2-D through photography.
I never thought about this, but the View Master was in integral part of my art education.

Re: VM a *guy* thing?

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

That's good to hear--I was just wondering aloud. I got my first ViewMaster as a kid, too. Some of our reels were cartoon reels,
but my favorites were always "travel" and "nature" shots.
It's a bit sad that ViewMaster fell out of vogue. There was something really charming about simple 3D pix of an assortment of scenes.

That's interesting about how ViewMaster influenced you.
Wouldn't it be fun to make a viewmaster reel?

Re: VM a *guy* thing?

[marstokyo.livejournal.com]

It can be done, actually. I think there are places that will make reels for you from your pictures. The reels that always captivated me the most were, as I said, the three dimensional recreations of 2-dimensional cartoons--like Bambi. It was like seeing the movie in a completely different dimension.. which I guess was exactly what it was.

Re: VM a *guy* thing?

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Yes, I seem to remember some of those Disney cartoons as well. They were pretty hip!

This is the post-script

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

on the main point, though, I am postcardx addicted, as well as sending things to friends and cyberfriends, because no "acquistion" is made, no judgment is inferred, no duties attach.
I live in a world of contract and obligation. My hobbies are about fun, not contracts and torts.

I signed up for one nervousness.org LMAO. Supposedly it was mailed to me weeks and weeks ago, but now, even given media mail timing, I don't believe it could have been sent. I may be contrary, and change my mind, but I do not think many LMAOs are in my future.
Now the nervousness.org exchanges are great, but only if one offers to trade something truly worthless for something truly worthless. The ones that are small scale "my incense for your
bath salts" just don't interest me...hell, I use ebay for that type of thing.....but a collage for a book (boy, did you get the worse of that exchange), "something in the mail" for one of my corruplast photocards, or a poem for a poem...that I get.

I don't have the right to an opinion on this, but I'll give one anyway. I much believe that time you spend on book exchanges for LMAOs that are lost by someone later in the chain than you would be much better spent on Chapter 1, page 1 of a novel or short story. I want you to be the writer I think you are, even if it is not my business to say so.

[geisa.livejournal.com]

i think you do have "true talent" even if you don't write without caps, ha!!!;)

i can't wait to read that post regarding "lawyerin" you're talking about up there!!!

oh, and you do help a lot of people because of your positivity and sensitivity regarding many issues...in many ways that you will probably never ever know. i like that thought the best, such a selfless concept, yet in reality, probably the most effective. well, just think, if it weren't for your kind and helpful assistance, i wouldn't be sitting here listening to dr. gene scott, on my brand new shortwave radio, cussing at and denigrating his congregation because they're stupid and don't understand the bible...so there ya go, ha!!!;)

thanks

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I appreciate the kind words. I did get that Zappa 8 track mailed out Friday, by the way, so please prepare to Freak Out imminently.
I am so impressed with myself that my 8 tracks were surprisingly "up with the times".
That Zappa is pretty road-worn, and it's Record Company of America not original issue,but somehow I think that both qualities add to its charm.

It seems to me I e mailed that 'career' story to somebody a while back because I couldn't fit it in 4000x characters. I'll have to see if I can edit it down, take out the "mail" parts of it and post it.

[tangy-seamonkey.livejournal.com]

Hi...My name is Neil and I'm signed up for the Denton/Plano LJ Meetup. I started a community for those signed up. I figured it would be cool to be able to know a little bit about the people who we will be meeting before. This will make for easier conversation. I thought it might act as a good place to talk and comment about where to meet. Join and add your two cents if you like northtx_lj_meet. We'd love to have you!

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Hi Neil:

I'd noticed that you had added me to your friends list, had me add back, posted something about this meet-up and then dropped me some time ago. A community seems to me a much simpler way of
connecting. Thanks for the invite to your community. I'll check it out.

Lane Changes

[gregwest98.livejournal.com]

"...started down one path in life but wound up on another"

Welcome to the club. I feel as if I've changed lanes at least three times. And it's not so bad I guess. It makes for some interesting conversations at parties. For example:

"I used to be a rocket scientist. No, really!"

Most of your advice, whether spoken or written has indeed been of great help to me going back years. You have my official permission to feel good about yourself accordingly.

It may turn out that I have already worked out my own salvation and just didn't notice it. I'll turn around and have another look.

Re: Lane Changes

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

In college, I'm not sure I even knew which way was the road, much less my own special path.
I've never been sorry that I majored in what I did, though, as choosing something I was so abysmal at and making it through was no doubt strengthening.

You know, if you'd asked me in law school where I'd be now, I'd have chosen "law professor". But if you'd told my 24 year old self what I'd actually achieve, he would merely have replied "That was my second choice". That's not so bad, really.

Thanks for the kind words.

True Freedom

[ladyelisa.livejournal.com]

"At least until tomorrow, when I reserve the right to change my mind and join again." In the past few years, I have learned that this is an aspect of freedom that I'd been judging rather harshly. Now that I allow myself to change my mind, I am able to accept it in others without feeling betrayed.

Re: True Freedom

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Yes, I think that changing my mind, especially in things that don't matter, is one more bit of freedom. I try really hard, though, not to make commitments or promises if it's something I wish to
change my mind about. I tend to think that one should make few agreements, but then keep them religiously.

[kenmora.livejournal.com]

I've often wondered about the killdeer's deception, and other elaborate inherited behaviors like mating dances. Does each member of the species think that it has invented a clever idea, not realizing it's the expression of race memory? Does the red-winged blackbird or blue-footed booby think it has entered a zone of pure improvizational dance? Or is it just something they feel, channeling through them and not involving thought at all?

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I am so glad you raised that. I wondered the same thing myself, when I saw herons so skittish about people. Heron hunting has been illegal here for generations, and nobody kills them in Texas for feathers anymore. But all herons "know" that they must avoid people. Are they taught in the nest? Do "people hating" herons have an evolutionary advantage? Is habit ingrained into instinct in the bird? I'm not current on the research, but I believe that it imprints into the genetic makeup at some point. I am intrigued by similar implanting in our own genetic makeup. Are we somehow programmed to certain myths, to a species-consciousness, if you will. Is Gilgamesh in the genes. I read with interest the book by the Skeptic Magazine guy that posits the idea that all myth and religion is just an evolutionary by product of a storytelling animal. I don't go that route, as you know, but it's so darn intriguing. We ascribe meaning, the idea goes, because that is the price we pay for what we are. The stories, the consciousness, keep us going, and we must pay....in myth, in art, in distraction.....

I tend to see it as hard wiring, and to buy all the sci fi myths that we await our kwisatz haderach to save us (and, unlike Herbert, I'll not make it a quest of fools)...but perhaps it's just my reaction, if you'll pardon the dune-ism, that fear is indeed the mind killer....

and I can't make out those plover, either!