on being

[gurdonark]

Our houseguest is a woman whom my wife has known since they both were 5 or so. I do not stay in very good contact with friends I had in kindergarten.

The boy down the street from us has an endowed chair as a business professor at Ouachita. I see him every five years or so, and we just say "hi", because our parents are friends. The kid I called my "best friend" in grade school (though I'm not sure he called me his) is an architecture professor at Georgia Tech. We e mailed about three years ago, but we don't keep in good contact. The kid who came to our yard every day to play football and basketball dropped out of college after partying too much his freshman year. I have not seen him since I gave him a ride back home the day he left school, over twenty two years ago. The two guys in our neighborhood with whom my brother and I used to play went their own ways. I have not spoken with either in at least two decades.

I do not have a lot of "buddies" in my day to day life. I share this trait with my father, who had lots of casual "hi, how you doin'" friends, but no
real day to day buddies. I do have one male friend in town with whom we sometimes socialize. I see my best male friend living elsewhere a few times a year. I barely see my best friend from high school once a year or less these days, because I have let things lapse. I really don't spend that much time with anyone but my wife and co-workers.

I never really set out to be a loner. I love people. My wife and I get along well, and spend a lot of time together. But in general I'm not unhappy as a bit of a loner. I don't pine for what I do not have. I suspect it's either hard-wiring, or a trait so well-learned as to be embedded. I imagine myself warm, and happy, and in some ways alone.

Comments

[amatrixangel.livejournal.com]

*ding* wrong. And I say that with a *smile* :-)

There is no such thing as being alone. This is the way you feel? Right?

Well. Once you've touched someone once, you've touched someone forever.

Physical presence is by the by.

[sempereadem.livejournal.com]

You sound like me. I've got one friend that I've had for close to 12 years now, and several close acquaintences, but I don't tend to stay in touch with people and my husband is my only really best friend. I've always been a solitary person. It hasn't started bothering me until the past year or so.

[blue-by-you.livejournal.com]

I'm like you in this regard. It's a lot of work to stay in touch and, you know, I might even go so far to say it's a lot of bother.

[woody77.livejournal.com]

I'm in a similar boat. I always seem to have one friend, or a girlfriend, but rarely both. And now that Aleatha and I have been living together for the last few years, it's just been her.

I think I learned this from my parents. Neither of them have "buddies". They just have each other (they often mentioned that they are each other's best friends).

But I often find myself missing a guy to hang out with. It's a different kind of interaction.

In college, I found a fraternity that was a great group of guys, and I joined it. That was a great time in my life, lots of good hanging-out type interactions. It definitely wasn't 'purchased friends', but more of a good place to live and hang-out.

Now being a volunteer firefighter is interesting. There's lots of that feel at the dept, but they're not the kind of guys that I'd really want to hang out with as friends regularly. One could say that they are a bit coarse (crass is more like it...), and a bit too redneck, and definitely too racist/narrow-minded. But no worse than most midwesterners. A few are really good guys, though.

But I definitely understand the sentiment, and often perhaps a feeling of having lost out? or a feeling of wishing you had someone to have a beer with (or similar)?

I know what you mean

[gregwest98.livejournal.com]

I enjoy my own company pretty well too. I don't feel any need to travel with a pack, ride with someone, or whatever. Whenever we all have a place to go, I just take off and go instead of waiting so see what others are doing or who is riding with whom. I enjoy the company of most people but I am not afraid of being alone with my own thoughts either. In fact, sometimes I prefer to be alone.

Is that being 'a loner'?

Re: I know what you mean

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

You know, I think of that as being loner-ish, but maybe I'm just being melodramatic. I do love the sound of my own thoughts!

I do want to find a way to get to Tulsa this year, though, to see my aunt, uncle, cousins and you guys. In my mind's eye, M. and I priceline up some really fab hotel, and then get to see everybody in turn!

Re: I know what you mean

[laruth.livejournal.com]

I agree with Greg. I'll happily go shopping, wandering around the city by myself, or do other things with myself. When I was younger, I needed the company of people really badly, but now that I've moved to Canberra, I crave the solitude and peace of a quiet house. I do like to have a group of friends to catch up with occasionally, but unfortunately, I have more acquaintances than friends.

I've always wondered how we define friends, and when do two or more new people start calling each other friends?

Re: I know what you mean

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Yes, I know what you mean. It's nice that you have a cozy house to retreat to! :). It's funny--I meet someone once in a great while and know instantly we'll be friends, but can know others for years and never quite be friends. Odd.