langston hughes had days like this, but he knew what to say

[gurdonark]

"Some of these days, and it won’t be long
"Gonna drive back down where you once belonged
In the back of a dream car twenty foot long
Don’t cry my sweet, don’t break my heart
Doing all right, but you gotta get smart
Wish upon, wish upon, day upon day, I believe oh lord
I believe all the way"--old David Bowie song

That tinge of sadness, a weariness, perhaps a bit of mild depression. I experience it as the lack of a "good novel going", and as an increase in needless procrastination.
I have to keep my "chin up", as the expression goes, and avoid dwelling on the negative. Instead, like that curious chant in "Dune", I have to let the negative pass over me and turn my inward eye to see it pass. That epigrammatic poet Edwin Markham said "Defeat may serve as well as victory to shake the soul and let the glory out".

Today I got a great deal done, but I also experience a bit of
undifferentiated sadness. Yet I've learned, with time, that
I cannot let this define me. I define myself differently altogether.

We stopped once at a fruit stand on the big island in Hawaii.
They served there an ambrosia called fresh white pineapple--twice as sweet at that in the market back home, hacked into manageable slices with a large machete-like knife. I remember the sense of sweetness emanating from that pineapple as if it drenched my soul. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I have a life that has real tang and flavor, as well as a few needlessly dusty drives.

I know how much comfort I find in a long talk, a good book, a long hike, the feel of a sunfish striking on a line, or the sight of a sunset bursting red across the fields. I will absorb this depression, and accept it. But it will not own me.
I will be done with it soon.

Comments

[alpha-incipiens.livejournal.com]

Thank you for writing this on today of all days. I needed to read something like this just exactly now.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Thanks for commenting, and here's hoping for a brighter Tuesday.

[laruth.livejournal.com]

I find comfort in the galas feeding on the ground, or sitting on the fence looking at me riding past. I find comfort in our beautiful rich coloured sunsets. And I find comfort in a good book.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Yes, those all sound wonderful. I wish we had galas here--they're one of your birds I think we would really enjoy :).

[miscelenaclosed.livejournal.com]

Yet I've learned, with time, that
I cannot let this define me. I define myself differently altogether.

I think we all learn with time that everything passes; I hope that dark cloud overhead goes quickly by! :)

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

It seems to be receding. It does all go by so fast.

[nacowafer.livejournal.com]

For some reason, it sort of upsets me a little to see a post like this from you. If you can feel cruddy...well, that doesn't bode well for the rest of us!

But seriously, I hope you find the time and energy you need to get things done and allow a little time just for yourself.

My current comforts include: pie, pie, and Home Box Office. The pit is deep and dark, my friend. But I still believe there is a little light in all of us.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

This morning is much brighter. When I was in law school, Little Rock had a place called "Sue's Pie Shop". Nothing but slices of fresh pie. It was heavenly. I have not since had a coconut creme pie which was half as good. We don't subscribe to HBO, getting instead only a more basic cable package. Perhaps that's the one true bit of insight I'm missing!

[milly-bogtrot.livejournal.com]

i hope you feel lighter soon. these depressions can pass like summer storm clouds, so hold tight to that umbrella and prepare to use it a parasol :)

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I will grasp that umbrella for dear life!

thanks.

[voodoukween.livejournal.com]

what a beautiful post! there is great art and truth to be found in the pit ( i refer to it as the compost heap as it is dark, dank and steamy yet there is life growing somewhere, one just cannot see it ) and your words reflect that

Thomas Moore wrote that depression comes as a teacher, there is something for us to learn if we listen and look and let it run it's course

i'm glad that you have sweet pineapple memories to call upon, what delectable hope!

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Yes. I must learn from my depression. Thanks!

[voodoukween.livejournal.com]

my philosophy is to be extra good to your Self while in it's grip...take good care of you, friend