if only

[gurdonark]

A stray thought crossed my mind this morning about "what if" I'd treated my schooling more seriously. I notice that I fall prey to "what if I'd done x" type thinking more often these days. I think that's on some level natural and not a bad thing--it's a kind of no-frills hobby, which results in far fewer pin-pricks than needlework. Still, I think that I tend to romanticize things which I have not even experienced. I wish, sometimes, to flash forward through options, rather like having alternative lives on a ViewMaster, with the little set-piece pictures all done and in 3-D. But it's easier to daydream about hypothetical choices in lives not lived than to do the real things one faces in one's own life. I do not live my life in regret very often--I just have a kind of wistful "what if x" thing sometimes. But maybe a better way of looking at things might be "what if today I do what I mean to do?". Then I can see what the ifs all amount to be.

Comments

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

"But it's easier to daydream about hypothetical choices in lives not lived than to do the real things one faces in one's own life."

oh, OUCH. there's my M.O. in a nutshell. do i even know what i'd do today if i were to do what i mean to do? errr, maybe, maybe not. good post!

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I hope I can figure out what I mean to do. Maybe what I mean to do is figure out what I mean to do.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I always think it's better to have a livable life, but to be a rockstar in your imagination, than to be a rockstar in fact, and not have a livable life. But it's probably even better to imagine you're a rockstar, and be a rockstar, and have a livable life.

How does one acquire this CD, by the way?

[amatrixangel.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's not a 'what if' but a 'what now' ;)

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

yes, definitely, a what now, and a go to it.

[asphalteden.livejournal.com]

I've certainly been thinking about similar things (even if I am thinking about them in a more maudlin respect) as my latest entry shows.

Hard to know which choices were more important than others, sometimes. But they were made nonetheless.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Yes, your recent post was very much in that vein. I like to google up what happened to people, too.

If the liberal arts were some great "competition", then your job is one a lot of kids would feel make you a winner. But I'm sure actually working the job, while great, involves a lot of "make it to the train on time" and "get it out by Friday" type of things.

[myasma.livejournal.com]

What if you had treated your schooling more seriously, and as a result, missed the many blessings that have come from living your life as you have lived it?

[gregwest98.livejournal.com]

Oooh! I've got one! "What if I had been accepted to medical school?"

I don't play this game too much - nothing but frustration seems to come of it.

On the other had, I like to fantasize about what I'd so if I won the powerball lottery. And believe it or not, I try to imagine how I'd actually use the money responsibly and prove that it wouldn't spoil me.

That's a methodist for you, eh?

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

You're right, it can be frustrating, if one thinks of things one can no longer do. I tend to think of choices I could still make, but the frustration potential is there also.

The thing I learned as time goes on is that the difference between an excellent professional salary and a very good professional salary amounts to a few square feet of home, a nicer car, and perhaps a better vacation. Really, in the long run, it's wise investing or starting a business, plus some methodist-type thrift, that makes so much of the difference.

[mesawyou.livejournal.com]

I think there is something about the beginning of the Holiday Season (well it is right before Thanksgiving) that gets you in the "What if" mode. It's a take stock of the year . . . and then stock of life . . . time that usually just sucks cause there's always something you coulda woulda shoulda done.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I agree with you--it's very much a holidays season thing. I think it's important to take positive stock as well--look at this thing done, look at that thing done.

For some reason, the folks fifty miles on either side of the Texas/Arkansas border are frighteningly nice.