being among the talkative shy

[gurdonark]

I'm deeply grateful to all who filled out my poll today. I'm not surprised that a lot of my LJ friends find little in common with Christina Aguilera, or that P.E. scored a majority and literature zero when it came to least interesting school course choices--but it's important sometimes to say things out loud. Words bestow a power, a belonging, a rhythm, an atmosphere of things best left said, not unsaid.

Tonight I did the pro bono legal clinic at the Salvation Army. I find this very fulfilling. I love doing what I dreamed of being able to do one day--to help, just a little. I spent a lot of time with some folks, giving advice, which reminds me that I am among the "talkative shy". I'm not shy in the meeting-and-greeting sense. I'm one of those friendly "how are y'all doing?" small town boy southerners, with a soft accent and a good bit of warmth in my voice. But I am one of those people who is shy of letting people see my inmost feelings, and for that matter, someone who mistrusts feelings generally. I don't make many close friends; I cheris the ones I do make. I'm a very good friend, but not a very good socializer. I'm not the "quiet shy" type though. I am a rather chatty person. I'm shy, but shy in torrents of words.

I don't dream about people on LJ, as some of my friends do. But I do think about their accents. I imagine accents and voices. This is pure fiction--reading a journal provides no real clue to sounds, and even two dimensional pictures don't provide much clue as to appearance. But accents fascinate me--they have so much of region and class and art and poetry in them.

Tomorrow I leave work early to go home with my wife to my parents' home in Arkansas. When I cross the Arkansas border, my accent suddenly shifts south. It's always a bit southern--but when I am back on my native soil, it becomes more so. I used to worry--which is real? Was the near standard English I spoke in California "real"? Was the urban southerner English I spoke when I worked in downtown Dallas "real"? Is my Garland, Texas southern but not cornpone dialect "real"? Is my Arkansas accent "real"? In truth, they are all real. I have multiple accents, for multiple social settings. None of them are faux. All of them are natural and subconscious. I like that about myself. I am at home with all my accents. It's far better than many other "multiple x" disorders, and requires no medication.

I'm reminded, though, of the time the University of Arkansas Alumni Association, Los Angeles branch, being that night myself and one other fellow, who never graduated from our school (but called the football coaches on the phone regularly to kibitz sports) manned a booth at the Beverly Hills High School career fair. I'll never forget the way that the wealthy parents of those children of privilege took one look at our Razorback banner draped across our display table. Lips literally involuntarily curled upward. We could have been dealing drugs, based on the expression. Cool drugs, sold by a costumed character called the Dancing Razorback (kinda like Joe Camel with red flair). I was straight edge before they had the expression, and still am, but it was that kinda feeling. But in those curious late 1980s to mid 1990s days, the most drugs I ever saw dealt were to folks in BMWs and Mercedes stopping on their commute from downtown LA to the wealthier westside of LA, at MacArthur Park (the place where the cake melted in the rain in the song). Car after car of wealthy people, buying crack for the weekend. I wonder what college they attended?

But maybe that's my problem. It's not good enough to be able to chat, one must be able to chat about things other than whatever comes to mind. Dale Carnegie did not win friends and influence people watching crack cars in mid-Wilshire and then chatting folks up about it. But forgive me--I'm shy. Let me tell you all about timidity--for hours.

Comments

[auntiesiannan.livejournal.com]

I speak with a terrible Long Island/Queens accent. It used to be even worse, I had this nasal Fran Drescher thing going on, but I trained myself out of it during high school.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Long Island accents aren't terrible! They're kinda cool. Fran Drescher sure has made a living off NY and NJ accents, hasn't she? I liked her Spinal Tap accent best.

[alleypat.livejournal.com]

I was lucky to visit Holland in Feb this year and they just luved my Texas drawl. I'm rather proud of it mah-self

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

It's neat to be loved for being what one is--and a rich Texas drawl is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. I can't quite drawl, though I've noticed my southernisms are a bit more drawly these days than how I grew up.

accent, lack of

[nacowafer.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I wish I had more of an accent. Or any accent at all. It irks me when people don't believe I'm from North Carolina. I've had people ask if I was from New York and even England (?!). I think it's why people used to always assume that if I was from Durham, NC, my family must somehow be affiliated with Duke. Another odd and totally false assumption. My father's family has a lovely southern accent, but my mom is from Ohio (her family moved south when she was five), so maybe that canceled things out. But I think it was tv that really eliminated any trace of an accent. It makes me feel a bit like a charlatan and a fraud. But I do say "pee-can" rather than "pi-caan" when I am referring to a pecan. I do speak slowly, like a southerner should.

Some folks in Chapel Hill think they ARE in New England

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I don't think of Durham as nearly so southern as, say, Asheville or Dunn. I think in general, Asheville and Raleigh excepted, people in NC's urban areas tend to eschew the richer accents. A TV accent is not "no accent", though. It's just a western accent. They used to aspired to "Denver Perfect", but now it's moved west. You'd probably sound at home in Santa Monica (my own theory, after my recent poll, is that you're one of those elven Californians, magically separated from your spiritual home). Although many LA accents are ethnic, region of LA does matter, including especially beach proximity, matters as, yes, there is a beach accent and a "valley" accent. By the time one gets to Bakersfield, one could be in Tulsa or my part of Arkansas, as the place is filled with Dust Bowl grandchildren.

Now that I think about it, it's surprising that you didn't try to go to Duke to school on scholarship. But that's another topic.

[deriasys.livejournal.com]

Oklahomans really don't have an accent for the most part. We have a mediocre speed of speech and nothing notable in our voice. But, it seems that anytime I get on the phone with anyone from a Southern state my voice heads south very fast. Upon my return from a visit to Mississippi for three months, I noticed my voice had developed a very mellow drawl, I was apt to speak more slowly, and my speech was sprinkled liberally with "ya'll" and "yu'ns." Now I'm back to the normal, Okie non-accent.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

It's always interesting to me how some Oklahomans sound midwestern, but a few do sound southern. I can usually "tell" an oklahoma accent, but you're right, it's much less strong than others.

my beloved

[nancyjane.livejournal.com]

husband ted is among the talkative shy, i think. it's possible i am too but i dunno i get dizzy and sometimes nauseous trying to classify myself.

you ask ted anything about computers, science, movies, politics, even observations we make of people we ate dinner with, and he will talk your head off. ok at least he will talk mine off. no one believes me in this - when i tell people in the company of ted that he talks my head off at nite, and they don't believe me, i think he particularly delights in it as well. that's ok he's allowed.

ask him how he feels, if he's having a good day, you'll get a one word answer. it'll be the truth, and he's not hiding anything on purpose, he just doesn't know what to say, or he doesn't trust that what he'd say would be accurate, or sometimes even important. those things don't come to the surface the way physics equations do. the way the entire corporate system architecture should be revamped is on the tip of his tongue, in fact he's DYING to talk with someone else about it who is as excited about that stuff as he is. i think many times i make a less than adequate chat mate for him that way, but i do my best. it's cute though and it endears me to him every time. also he is a really smart guy and i like hearing the inner workings...

because he won't talk, spontaneously and freely of all the other, i cherish what he does talk about even more. and you know what? as sensitive and emotional as i am, even though i sometimes long to hear his personal feelings more easily with more frequency... it's possible i couldn't really handle it, worries and empathy might overwhelm me. so i guess we have a good synergy going.

i'm not religious but i do enjoy finding religious or philosophical metaphors to describe situations in a positive way, to kind of meditate on... in my mind ted's mastered, with effortlessness, an aspect of the taoist sage, that being, the sage does not concern himself with his feelings, he lets them be. he concerns himself with the needs of others and, in particular, with what needs to be done.

food for thought

[nancyjane.livejournal.com]

hey Robert, i have a poll idea for you... well... ok i stole it from cider, but i thought it was kind of cool and fun. i dunno cider though so it wasnt that cool and fun for me personally. i can see i'd have fun if you did it though so here i am pleading my case.

in her journal she put several statements of her life, one of which was not true, and then people were to vote on which of the statements were not true. i'd really enjoy that kind of thing from you... if you're interested. i dunno i thought it was kind of clever and reminded me of your "i know you best by what you are not" kind of idea.

either way, keep polling :) ...