Star gazing
Dec. 14th, 2002 09:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gurdonarkI don't often drink alcohol, so the morning after a holiday party involves none of the nausea and remorse for drunken revels customary to these events. I instead wake up to think of nice things I could have said to nice people, and did not. I am resigned to the fact that I am a social moth rather than a social butterfly.
When I was thirteen or so, my mother gave me Dale Carnegie's famous old-fashioned self-help book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People". It's a fun read, a bit twee in just the right ways. Its advice is very straightforward--smile a lot and talk about the other person most of the time. I must work on this :).
I admit that, like Anne of Green Gables, I spend my life searching out kindred spirits. The quality of being "kindred" has nothing to do with similar interests or even similar values. Rather, being kindred is something almost synaptic, that feeling that some electrical connection linking two or more people imbues any conversation. It's that feeling that one has, when speaking with someone else, that one will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
This process delights me in part because the process occurs elusively. Someone sparks a bit of interest, for an arcane reason, in some odd little way, and suddenly, one communicates with an entirely new universe of ideas and delectable notions.
I see us all as astronomers in some ways. We are trapped on our little bit of dust and ruin. But we gaze constantly through equipment of limited utility in search of limitless scenery. We don't always see or hear with our telescope apparati all the wonders of the universe. Sometimes we spend entire evenings sitting in the dark, looking at rich fields of stars, and finding nobody with whom to communicate.
I know that, like the astronomer, I often achieve satisfaction only by spotting some overlooked nebula, or by sending satellites out pointed at the most curious star clusters. But really, the universe is so vast, and I can only explore so much of it. I must resolve to use my "rich field deep sky" telescope once in a while, and be better at panning over space objects regardless of whether they capture my soul. But I believe tremendous compensation arises from the communions I do achieve, as I view bursting supernovae, curious little red stars and vivid pulsars.
We all sit on our little planets, so far from communication with the other planets in the other galaxies. The aloneness is immense, and the distances are much more vast than the mere calculation light years might indicate. But in some smiles, deep space can be bridged. In some turns of phrase, the universe unfolds. I will become better at speaking to the galaxy at large--I am better now than I was twenty years ago. But I will never regret that I tend to see most clearly a few select stars. I will always calibrate my viewfinder for kindred spirits.
When I was thirteen or so, my mother gave me Dale Carnegie's famous old-fashioned self-help book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People". It's a fun read, a bit twee in just the right ways. Its advice is very straightforward--smile a lot and talk about the other person most of the time. I must work on this :).
I admit that, like Anne of Green Gables, I spend my life searching out kindred spirits. The quality of being "kindred" has nothing to do with similar interests or even similar values. Rather, being kindred is something almost synaptic, that feeling that some electrical connection linking two or more people imbues any conversation. It's that feeling that one has, when speaking with someone else, that one will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
This process delights me in part because the process occurs elusively. Someone sparks a bit of interest, for an arcane reason, in some odd little way, and suddenly, one communicates with an entirely new universe of ideas and delectable notions.
I see us all as astronomers in some ways. We are trapped on our little bit of dust and ruin. But we gaze constantly through equipment of limited utility in search of limitless scenery. We don't always see or hear with our telescope apparati all the wonders of the universe. Sometimes we spend entire evenings sitting in the dark, looking at rich fields of stars, and finding nobody with whom to communicate.
I know that, like the astronomer, I often achieve satisfaction only by spotting some overlooked nebula, or by sending satellites out pointed at the most curious star clusters. But really, the universe is so vast, and I can only explore so much of it. I must resolve to use my "rich field deep sky" telescope once in a while, and be better at panning over space objects regardless of whether they capture my soul. But I believe tremendous compensation arises from the communions I do achieve, as I view bursting supernovae, curious little red stars and vivid pulsars.
We all sit on our little planets, so far from communication with the other planets in the other galaxies. The aloneness is immense, and the distances are much more vast than the mere calculation light years might indicate. But in some smiles, deep space can be bridged. In some turns of phrase, the universe unfolds. I will become better at speaking to the galaxy at large--I am better now than I was twenty years ago. But I will never regret that I tend to see most clearly a few select stars. I will always calibrate my viewfinder for kindred spirits.
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no subject
Date: 2002-12-14 07:41 am (UTC)I also have that book (and have only read a little of it); it was indirectly recommended by a friend. Is that the basic premise of his system? Maybe that's why this same friend treats me as he does...
no subject
Date: 2002-12-14 08:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-12-14 10:16 am (UTC)I am a listener, rather than a talker, so I find I can relate to most people on some level. The people on my friend list are all very different people, from all walks of life. I don't know how most of them found me or what prompted them to add me to their friend list.
Being a naturally shy person, it has taken me a long time to get to know many of them, see their inner beauty, and find a connection to them. In many cases, it's in their heart that the connection is made, rather than the mind or through similar interests. I have been surprised to have a friendships grow, when first thinking there was no common ground.
The sad part is I think at times I've overlooked some stars that are just as bright and beautiful as the ones that catch my eye.
points of light
parties: it wasn't oprah winfrey but it was a guest of hers, she was quoting, and i don't remember whom... who said, when she was younger, she used to worry before she walked into a party, what she would say and if people there would like her; now that she was older, she worried what other people would be talking about and if she would like them ;). not the same sentiment you have, i know, but it is something i try to keep in my mind to help my own perspective. plus i thought it was kind of funny.
kindred spirits... we are stardust. i love it. your analogy also reminded me of a a definition of yin and yang as relates to taoism, in a book i'm reading, that i thought i'd share. Yang is the energy, the movement; yin is the calm, the receptive. As such yin is sometimes underrated, but that is silly because it is needed just as much... for our planet, the most evident force of live-giving yang would be the rays of the sun, warming our planet and energizing it with life... but the sun's rays traveling through space can't be seen or detected... you can't see the sunshine, or the effects of it, until it hits something, like this wonderful receptive yin planet we inhabit, which gives way to most pairs of yin and yang we are most familiar with and fond of.
good luck on your journey to find kindred spirits !
no subject
Date: 2002-12-14 03:45 pm (UTC)he's strictly internal and likes to keep count
of injustices done, favors owed, considerations given, failures and such are his favorite
he plays the number of friends game from time to time and says i come up short
someone, however, once told me that i if i could count the number true friends who know, accept and encourage me on one hand i was most fortunate.......it speaks of our exceptional nature and gifts
i am always exhilerated by the encounter with another kindred spirit, something else i consider a remarkably delightful occurence
i opened your card yesterday and through the tenderest of tears appreciated it as being the most lovely, meaningful and personal card to date
and with Cary Grant on the envelope, how did you know i adore that man?
thank you so very, very much
no subject
Date: 2002-12-14 07:36 pm (UTC)good fortune with your costume making! You work so hard sometimes!
Re:
Date: 2002-12-14 07:54 pm (UTC)you'll all be lucky if i can get a postcard made
i dream of painting some
no subject
Date: 2002-12-14 08:10 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-12-14 09:37 pm (UTC)may do that myself with your latest input!
no subject
Date: 2002-12-15 07:05 am (UTC)I feel that way too, searching for kindred spirits. I've been doing that my whole life and I've found a few gems, but the search still continues. How long will it be until you've found what you're looking for? Or does it continue as you go on with life? No matter how many kindred spirits I find, I'm still searching for more.