on livejournal; a first impression

[gurdonark]

I've been very impressed with the journals I've seen, by and large. They can serve so many functions. Tonight a journal I have taken to regularly following took a curious turn. One journalist (doesn't really matter who) has a really winning writing style, and has actually developed a kind of fan base of friends and random commenters. This is not surprising, as her journal is absolutely dynamite stuff--witty, incisive, brainy without being stuffy,
great photos. The journal is highly confessional, and
even has a romance plotted in the mix with another journal member. One author whose work I find intermittently quite funny (but who, in a story best left out/left for another entry, inexplicably (to me, anyway) hurt my feelings based on the briefest acquaintance in an odd on line "conceptual performance art" context), is Sandra Tsing Loh. She has one quote that I find really applicable in the livejournal context: "All autobiography is fiction". The on-line journalist whose work I've been following tonight posted
a sort of confession against confession. A plea that
she edits her postings about her relationships and all the stuff about her relationships is stuff only she and her
beau understand (my paraphrase is inexact), and, if I'm muddling through it right (a muddle her post cautions generically against) that nobody should post on her journal comments about the personal things in her journals on this topic. Now, for a few weeks I've been reading these interesting journal matters, intrigued that such a fine writer could make a journal so rich. Yet, tonight's journal entry has me confused--the asynchrony between the highly confessional nature of the usual journal saga, and tonight's plea for privacy is a bit jarring. This leads me to a strong first impression of the livejournal process.
I see it as something kind of like that PG Wodehouse tag line that he wrote his novels like musical comedies, because there are two types of writers,those who do what he does, or those who get to the heart of things and don't give a damn. When I first set up my journal, someone on
the hypnos.com board told me the amusing story of a coworker whose highly critical journal entries were discovered by the Powers that Be, with excrutiating results for her. I resolved that my livejournal would be about
what interests me, general topics, and not highly personal things (arguably, my ST Loh comment above broke that rule; that's a "danger" in these things). I think at the surface I have enough to write about, without the need for highly confessional material. As to the "confessional" journal writer who wrote "against confession", I think that one would always assume that her story would be edited, a form of "real fiction" if you will, so that no reader could really understand the he and she of her relationship in issue. Yet, tonight, a fervent plea for a form of privacy about her public journal. Needless to say, the journal entry contained no space for reader comments. What a curious thing this livejournal is....but I have enjoyed the woman's work, nonetheless.

3 great mail art cards in today. Nacowafer sent me an invite to her edible art thing that was simply absolutely well done. What a fun hobby!

Comments

[wild-mind.livejournal.com]

And you see, this is actually a great testament to my own entry. The making of judgments based on what little is actually ever revealed. For all the 'confessional' you believe me to have, there's a great sea of personal things I just don't like to touch in a public journal.

However the post I wrote tonight had little if anything to do with that, even so. It was in response to a small handful of very real people, people I know, people he knows - in real life (for lack of a better term).. making assumptions and jumping to conclusions about our relationship over something they've read in either journal, and then running with it. I've had to defend and explain myself, when that never ought to have been necessary. He's had to field ridiculous things he never ought to have had to.

That post was far less about general privacy in a journal and far more an address to the specifics of a situation I've been wrestling with and finally chose to say out loud.

confessional and actual confession

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Your post had a power to it,
hence the reply and post. The fact that a journal *seems* confessional doesn't mean that a reader *understands* anything about the journalist, almost by definition. The fact that specific people were in a specific context being addressed out loud over a specific incident
does not change the intrigue in the issue. The fact remains that nobody knows what is inside you but you, and what you choose to show is a set of interesting signals, but hardly a "true you". Even your specific friends, much less an admitted casual observer, can really *know* anything "they" *think they know* from
a set of journal postings. A "confessional style" does not equate to a real confession of what's in one's mind/heart/soul/similar euphemism, because of the inevitable
(fiction is autobio) editing in *any* journal.
The fact that certain of the entries seem to give a window inside from afar, only confirms that from a distance, mirrors can look like windows. In this sense, we all write musical comedy rather than getting down to the heart of things, and thankfully so. I never imagine
that when I read a post which is confessional,
it can be taken as a literal snapshot of the poster. Those who do so imagine, and weigh in accordingly, miss the point. I guess the "judgment" I have is that even the misjudgment of "specific people" won't obliterate the
fact that it's your life; indeed, the misjudgments just add to the somewhat literary nature of the journal. Nobody is going to "get" you but you, really, nobody is going to "get" a relationship but those inside. But we are story telling creatures, and you tell your story very well.

Re: confessional and actual confession

[wild-mind.livejournal.com]

Yes - however I have faith that you can understand the fundamental difference between assumption or misunderstanding/misjudgment -- and the taking of action or the accusing/confronting as a result of those (very sparely concluded) assumptions.

Anybody who needed to understand what that particular post was about, did. Without doubt. And really, driving that message home was the sole reason for posting it.

Re: confessional and actual confession

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I think I understand what you are saying. Still, the asynchrony. It's a matter of my own perception/opinion, though. I appreciate your taking the time to correct/explain.

fictional autobiography

[nacowafer.livejournal.com]

I, too, have found this whole livejournal thing to be endlessly fascinating and at times overwhelmingly strange. I am painfully aware that everything I write is *not* the gospel truth about who I am. A lot of it is close to the real thing, but it's filtered through the notion that strangers will be reading it. They may think they have a clear impression of me, but they only know that which I'm offering up. I leave out most of the scary stuff.

I am a painfully shy person in real life, so this gives me a way to connect with others. I have to admit, the journals I look forward to reading most are the ones of "real life" friends. I have a much more vested interest in their lives. The other journals are for more of a voyeuristic thrill in catching a glimpse into the ordinary lives of others. With one notable exception. I've come to care very much about the well-being of one total stranger. We actually live quite close geographically and could probably easily meet up sometime. Which I would love to do, but I have apprehensions. I worry that if we met in "real life" things wouldn't be as free and easy. Would we even find anything to talk about? Would she think I was an idiot? This whole livejournal thing is immensely *safe.* No strings attached unless you attach them yourself.

I did have an entry a while back re: this very subject of presenting yourself (as a gift) and the relative safety of hiding behind a fictional autobiography. Maybe you saw it? If not, it is here.

I find it interesting to think about these things. I operate under the umbrella notion that everything is somehow connected, like a spider's web. It's at times a fragile connection, other times beautiful, still other times deadly. That is my ordering principle and I find it continually threatened but I can't live without it. This new way of connecting via the "web" just makes things a little more apparent. So now I'm off topic and rambling...sorry.

Oh! I got your postcard...it's very cool. I love that corrugated stuff! Where do you get it? And I'm glad you enjoyed the invite.

Re: fictional autobiography

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I ordered that corrugated plastic stuff from a company whom Bill Porter mentioned. I'll get you
the URL as soon as I look it up. It is very good for attaching photos or sketches...much easier than
paper. Bill sent me something very nice where he used a transparent one and put the photo "on bottom", i.e., so that you could see it through the plastic. Very nice.

I really liked your post about the public/private real/unreal thing about livejournal. Amelie was a wonderful starting point for that discussion.
I've only met a few persons over the years that I met over the internet. One couple has dinner with
my wife and I whenever they come through our town. after we toured them through LA neighborhoods when they were considering a Toronto/LA relocation.
Another fellow took me fishing at the best little
obscure bass pond in Fresno (of all places).
Both these experiences were very positive, although in the latter case I caught and threw back so many bass that it satiated my somewhat hit and miss fishing bug for years. Another time, I had lunch with a friend and her friend. We had chatted by IM for years, animated conversations, but in person, the conversation went flat, and we thereafter rarely talked on line. I once met all the folks in my favorite Compuserve Forum, and discovered through the experience (a) how nice they mainly were; (b) how little we had to talk about; and c) how one fellow I thought rather friendly was actually someone who found my on line questions irritating (poor fellow--he had to put up with my very newbie inquiries). So I don't have "one rule" for offline encounters. I think of myself as shy, too, but my friends and family laugh at me when I say that. They would choose the term "eccentric" instead.

I've not met anyone offline during my brief stay thus far at livejournal, but I guess that I don't start with any particular preconceptions in favor or against, but this--it is my normal assumption that on-line is a different context than offline, and that the two don't transfer all that well.
I set up my livejournal as a website alternative,
partly because folks kept suggesting I write a book about law careers, and I wanted something easier to maintain than a website to meet that need. Once I got started, though, it seemed to me that it's a bit more fun to write this and that. I've let a few of my friends know it's here, and a few of them have posted or e mailed me about it. I'm one of those people who is extremely recognizable to people who know me--anyone who reads my entries
among my friends would say "typical Bob". I really related to the point you made about the "secure" nature of the medium, particularly with editing for public consumption. I guess I've reached the point in life, though, in which there's too much or not enough to edit, and I sound like me whatever I do. I don't think that's a livejournal/real life thing. I think it's just the banality of consistency.

Thanks for sharing your ideas. You really have put some thought into this, and it shows in a positive way.

post note

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Unitarian-Universalists are not big on creeds or dogma. One of the 7 "principles" most U/Us recognize ties into something you're saying...
a respect for what is called 'the interdependent web of life'....I've always been attracted to the ambiguity and yet the power of that slender thread phrase.