long flights, dark nights

[gurdonark]

The travel to Los Angeles seemed particularly exhausting this time. I think food was partly to blame; I'm just not "good to go" on those odd little snack boxes they hand out on airlines nowadays. Not healthy enough to give that feeling of moral superiority, not filling enough to sate one's appetite. I had a layover in Vegas this time, and found myself a bit down with that "irregular meals" kind of down that one gets, if one does not always handle irregular meals well. I always test on the borderline for all those hypo blood sugar things; thankfully, never have to take medication, but I don't do well when I miss meals.

Of course, somehow I went from "working well ahead, going to go to the airport early" to "gotta rush to the airport". I don't know how it is that I think of ten things I need to check just before time to leave for the airport. I do know it's a very bad habit, in need of breaking.

I picked up Nick Hornby's novel "How to Be Good", and though I enjoy it, it's not quite as fun as I expected. I'm about halfway through it now; nothing like an airline ride, when one can get lots of work done, and still be able to read a lot of novel. The plane was late, and instead of landing during daylight, we reached LA just after dark. I had to direct the cab driver to the right place, although it is not a hard place to find. I'm staying with my friends kenmora and his wife Heidi, who were nice enough to invite me over to stay at their place. This contrasts with my usual "hotel by LAX and watch Deep Space Nine at 2 in the morning" regime. It's interesting to discuss with people who know me the editorial choices I make in my journal; I believe I won a full acquittal on the charge of "wrongful omission of family matters", but perhaps the jury is still out. It is odd, I suppose, to omit one's spouse's name in one's journal, but I think that her privacy dictates this as right for me now. The counter-argument, as kenmora recently put it, is that a journal written without extensive discussion of my spouse is in some ways written on swiss cheese rather than paper. Still, I think I like things for now as they are. As my wife writes very well in her own right, if she wished her life broadcast, I believe she would ask for her own journal code. I do not mean to imply, though, that there is a "right" answer on this one. I see this as one more Topic A, a matter intentionally omitted from the journal, and yet a matter which pervades my life. I guess, though, that this is why I see this journal as about something other than strict biography. I see it as a more ethereal thing, not quite literary, but certainly not a comprehensive guide to my marriage or my family or my work.

To speak of editing in a different context, though, the Chicago beating deaths, in which neighborhood folks beat to death two folks who ran a stop sign and hurt some folks, has made me disappointed in NPR coverage. I sense "missing facts" everywhere here, and instead I hear the local neighborhood booster telling us about how they don't like killings in their neighborhood. I used to rely on NPR, but its recent coverage in this story and on foreign affairs no longer seems incisive;it seems much "safer" and "positive" or "negative about them out there" and even rote. I wonder if this is (a) just me (b) editorial change or (c) staff cutbacks.

I have gotten literally scads of cool mail art stuff lately, and I'm told more arrived today and awaits me. This mail art thing has been fun. One of the nervousness.org folks even wrote me a soothing note after I placed a bit of abashment about relative art skills in my LiveJournal. People can be so darn nice sometimes; I notice these stressful times have the fringe benefit of making many of us realize how nice we all need to be, whenever we can. Not "nice" in that "Tigger" perky way that espvivisection mentioned lately in her journal, nor that "bouncy nice" that nacowafer mentioned recently in hers. I mean really nice, the kind of nice that makes one do the nice thing, and not mind being effusive in a good cause. Even though I grew up in the south, and can say "how're y'all doin?" with the best of them, that true niceness is what always matters to me. Right now, though, what matters to me is getting a good night's sleep, making my hearing on time, and getting back to Texas. That, my friends, would be truly nice.

Comments

[laruth.livejournal.com]

Another gurdonark thoughtful post. If we are all nice, it makes the world go around in an easier way. It's funny (well, it's not) that people do "nice" things depending upon how much benefit they see themselves receiving as an outcome.

Talking about nice, have you heard of Heroic Stories? It's good to get uplifting news in the email box about people being nice.

[holyoutlaw.livejournal.com]

Here's to getting a good night's sleep, making my hearing on time, and getting back to Texas.

Privacy and revelation is an important balancing act in any online journal. It's a personal choice. I haven't noticed "the lack" of anything about your family life. You write about creativity, and walks, and pleasant experiences. I like that.

[amatrixangel.livejournal.com]

Another gurdonark thoughtful post.

I think gurdonark is incapable of doing anything else.

He will have to be retrained. ...maybe send him to a *re-education* camp ;p

[mouchette.livejournal.com]

I recently worked out to myself that the best human characteristic, the one most to be sought after in all one's dealings with other people (and oneself) is generosity. To give without feeling resentful and to receive without feeling guilty.

There's my thought for the day!

And I mention it to you because you give so very nicely and I receive with clean gratitude.

[nacowafer.livejournal.com]

I'm going to think more and write more about this, but I think you may be interested in a recent post by the_outsider. He sets out a few basic tenants for living a good life (at least that's how I'm interpreting it...):

Just live your life, be nice to everyone, and don’t be an asshole

For some reason, I feel like you're saying the same thing. I tried consciously "being nice" yesterday (even though I think most people would describe me as a "nice," even "kind," person...but they don't see the rage inside) and immediately felt this huge weight lifted off my chest. And it was repaid in spades. I'm going to continue the conscious effort. I believe you are already doing this. Have worked in into your life on a subconscious level, like some people are a able to do with prayer (like in The Way of the Pilgrim). So that it's incessant. This is what I wish for myself. But perhaps that, too, is selfish. I don't know.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I have not heard of it, and the link didn't work for me. Could you re-give the link?

One of my few real achievements in the last 2 years has been to be as nice
to folks at my office as I am to everyone outside my office. I used to be so stress-driven, so deadline-driven, and so frustrated with folks who weren't. I still work on this, but I can see the niceness pay dividends.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Yes, a balancing act is a very apt way to put it. Thanks for the thoughts, and for not feeling the omission.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Generosity and compassion are so important.

I was always very attracted to that thing about three things endure: faith, hope and love, and the greatest of them is love.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Nice of you, but don't worry. I'll soon be back to hiking and cheap stickers.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I'm one of those people who is in general nice. One of the things I wanted to fix about myself when I moved back to Texas, was to be nicer.
I felt I had been a tough boss to work for, for example. I think I'm much easier now. I really want to prevent my own rages and rants from turning me into the sort of person who sends others into rages or rants. I don't think that it's selfish for you to want to be better inside than you are now, so that you autonomously become nicer outside. I think that's good.
I'm not sure about incessancy (That bit in Franny and Zooey comes to mind, when she thinks the solution is saying the Jesus Prayer inside over and over), but I think that the effort to be nice is one of the few really world bettering things we do.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

oh, and thanks for the link to the's post. It was a very good one, very pertinent.

[onesoul.livejournal.com]

Quick side note! I am very much into mail art as well. I haven't read enough of your journal to know what you are currently invovled in. I'll get to it, I promise. I'm curious if you partake in Free Words as well? There appears to usually be a link between mail art folks and Free Words. If not head on over to freewords.org

Enjoy your day!

[laruth.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I spelt the link incorrectly!

Here is the correct link:

www.HeroicStories.com

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

I've checked into free words a bit, but not done it. I'll go check it out a bit further. Thanks!

[kenmora.livejournal.com]

Heidi and I agree that you just couldn't BE any nicer. Heidi & I loved seeing you again. In the way of the bashful child, Bella could not stop saying "Uncle Bob" after you left, you're a deft hand at the art of sprinkles teasing and she loves that.

I felt terrible that we hand nothing of substance to feed you, yet you managed to treat our meager fare as if it were a feast.

Way too nice :-)

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

My goodness, the LJ didn't let me know of your reply. I just found it today by accident.

I am so grateful to both of you for having me over. I felt badly for depriving Bella of her graham crackers, but there you have it.

My hearing went very well. I have another 9/20. Shall I come again?