Monday's return

[gurdonark]

The "return to work" part of Monday morning never really bothers me. I'm able to find meaning in my work, and it's nice to be rested, which lets me accomplish more things. The only part of Monday which bothers me is assessing what I got accomplished during the weekend. On Thursday, I always feel as though I have some intuitive "map" to the weekend, in which I accomplish chores, have fun with my hobbies, read scads of material, and make contact with folks I've not spoken to for a while. By Monday morning, I'm reviewing inadequate exercise, undone tasks, people I forgot to call, people I forgot to write or e mail, people I did call, write or e mail to whom I said almost exactly the wrong thing, and all the ways in which I let the weekend go by. I have an old friend who, no matter how fun or active his weekend had been, always looked up on Sunday night and drawled "another....WASTED....weekend....another....WASTED....weekend". I took an ignoble pride in the fact that I never felt that way, because I like to enjoy what did happen in a weekend instead of dwell in what did not happen. But on this particular Monday, I am instead dwelling on things undone, rest not taken, mistakes made, and weekends gone by generally. It's not as though my "intuitive map" to the weekend had any real structure. I didn't have a detailed plan to write "Swann's Way" or walk the local 9 mile trail or anything. I don't get "down" often, and when I do, it usually doesn't last long. But I do dislike that feeling that I had ample time, and I spent it in sleep or worry or needless complexity, when there were things to do.